Cougarlicious

Young men: want to be scared back into the far reaches of your eyeballs? Look no further than your above attractive middle aged woman. She’s no longer just your best friend’s attractive mom. No. Apparently she’s a cougar. As opposed to a soft sweet kittenish younger gal, a cougar will tear you up. And disturbingly, she’ll do it wearing animal print clothing.

Famous cougars in pop culture: Priscilla Presley, with her great body, but face reminiscent of that poor deformed kid in the movie Mask; Pamela Anderson, whose enormous breasts seem to grow in direct proportion to her shrinking eyebrows; and Katie “Cougar-ic” once a winsome young widow, but now a public humiliation for not getting America to stop all its rampant Googling and watch the nightly news (even though by the time it’s broadcast, hundreds of fresh Google hits have been added), and for cougaring a young innocent 18 years her junior. And of course “Cougar Cuckoo” Sharon Stone. http://www.gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/. Don’t let her get her fangs into you, boys.


Speaking as a woman of a certain age, did I work so hard to find a place in the world, my longed for semi-self confidence finally at a slow simmer, sprinkled with a smidgen of a sense of who I am, only to be seen as some kind of rapacious nookie-starved predator? Did I finally stop being needy, only to have my needlessness be viewed as scary? I guess less is more, here in Cougarville.

Speaking as a woman of a certain age, I want to assure all you young lads, there aren’t hordes of horny middle aged woman out there, so sex starved that we’re going to hurt you.

Even if you beg us.


A beautiful but also dangerous sight, a cougar.